Two Languages

Thankfully I’ve more or less got over my insomnia from years ago, but I was sleepless the other night, brain being real loud, so I ended up writing a few poems. They had a logic to them from despair to hope. This is the second of the three, but it sums up the night the best, and I feel it’s the right one to start off on again, and I get to pick what I do, so ha =P . Also, high five for those who spot the hitchhiker’s guide reference.

Why am I awake
Writing these lines
I’ve been here too many times
Restless, confused
Stumbling with words to try and get to the bottom
Of what my gut is trying to say
Because I can’t get my head around the complexities of my own feelings
Even though I can get my head around Chemistry
And Logic
And I can argue for God a hundred different ways
Like that ever really helped

Here’s me.
Brain the size of a planet.
And what do I have to show for it?
Restlessness and confusion
Because I could never fathom the logic of my own beating heart
Because I can never grasp that I might have feelings
And I can’t speak their language
Even when they shout
LOUD
AND
SLOOOOWWW
Like an Englishman abroad

I’ve never fathomed the language my own brain uses
To try and tell me things I should already know
Like every other person on the planet

I’m left here like the class fool
Held back year on year
Despite being able to argue with Augustine and Darwin and Marx
I can’t even talk to myself
So I’m left here
Restless and confused
Awake
Writing these lines
Hoping that English would flow from my emotions
So that I could finally decipher what the hell I’m trying to say

Hope you enjoy
The Lonely Recluse

~ by The Lonely Recluse on November 23, 2019.

5 Responses to “Two Languages”

  1. Nice to see you’re blogging again, though the poetry is good but rather dark. I’ll be praying for you. 🙂

    • Yeah, it’s good to be back (I think). I’m hoping that it gives me the motivation to write a bit more regularly, besides essays and sermons (assuming I ever have the time =P)
      I guess I’ve always had a tendency towards darker poetry, especially when I’m writing about emotions and stuff, although a friend did comment that I always seem comfortable around dark subjects (in a good way apparently?). I am doing much better than I was that night, and, to be fair the poetry writing ended on a high(ish), as next week’s poem will show. Thanks for the prayers. Glad you enjoyed the poem

      • Keep writing them, they’ll surprise you. I’ve written a lot of poetry this year and some I cannot believe were written by me. And of course poetry is human emotion, we cannot ignore the darker emotions either. Art is amazing that way

        • Yeah, sitting and getting a chance to intentionally write today has surprised me, to the point I feel I can post twice a week (as tomorrow shall show [for now at least]).
          Art is indeed amazing in its ability to collect all experience in its embrace

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